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By Anell Jantjies
[Disclaimer: The following post is a personal story. Its written from the perspective of the narrator. Our voices matter.]
The beginning
I have always wondered about heritage. My own ethnic heritage specifically. Who am I? Where do I fit in? Do I matter? It’s a deep curiosity that has stalked me since the first time I recall having a proper thought. Who am I? If I die who will come to my funeral? Will I have died happy or thankful that I reached my full human potential? What is full human potential anyways? What happens after death? Will I be remembered or will I fade away? Will I become a folklore, legend or simply forgotten? These are questions I have. My mind simply doesn’t know when to stop.
I was born on the 1st of June 1992, I have no recollection of this day, just the retelling of how I nearly died at birth. The umbilical cord choked me and the doctors had to move fast. Entering the world started with chaos, but I am here. I am the youngest of three, with a significant age gap between my siblings and I. I grew up mostly alone like an only child, due to my siblings being out of the house. It was mostly my parents and I. Quite a combination, since my parents were boomers and I a millennial.
I spent my early years growing up in absolute freedom in the middle of nowhere, unaware of the world outside or what was happening in South Africa at the time. I had my trusted companion by my side (my cousin), a variety of pets with strange names and, the freedom of vast open spaces to explore and use my imagination. The year was 1996 and my family relocated to Clanwilliam and we remain here to this day.
Clanwilliam
It was a weird experience moving to a town, regardless of how small the size of the town is, or how little the population. Prior to relocating, I had known something was happening within my household, but I was aloof about the actual move. I remember being disappointed at the square/block we were moving into. And the constant warnings of being safe and don’t talk to strangers when playing outside.
The late 90’s and early 2000’s was a different time for me and my consciousness. I started primary school and then moved to the Module C school in my town. I remember seeing no one else in my school that looked like me in my class, or any of the teachers being people of colour. It was a grippling experience that made me question my worth as Anell. I quickly realised that my heritage wasn’t shared amongst my peers, as it wasn’t inclusive. I often felt left, not only in school but the town itself. Code switching and experimenting with different ideals became a thing, and that really messed with me mentally because there was a further divide. I concluded that I hated my environment and the narrative with which I was being presented.
I spent the remainder of my childhood and teenage years in Clanwilliam. The experience of this town ultimately shaped me, but it also sheltered me from the real-real external environment. When I did my tertiary education, I found much needed clarity to my own ignorance and existence. That period I refer to as rebirth.
Working with what you got
When I think of heritage I think of legacy. These two terms have a lot in common. Heritage is what someone else leaves behind for you, legacy is what you leave behind for the upcoming generation. Heritage is uncontrolled, basically you get what you get. Legacy is what you can actually control. (It’s at this point where I hope you are still following).
So, what do I have in common with the abovementioned? I am a brown woman of mixed origin living in South Africa. I say mixed race, because in my opinion the term coloured is an umbrella term (recalling the racial classification system in the Apartheid era South Africa that categorised every South African to a specific racial group). It’s like being in the middle of various sides with a forgotten history and people in the mix. Yeah, what a story to start your life with. What an inheritance.
When you have nothing to work with, no clear lines or idea of where you come from, just excessive ignorant stereotypes that don’t reflect a culture but projects caricatures. The mindset within the community also falters, because there’s no middle ground in my opinion. It’s always either or neither. I mean, I know I’m looking at it from a racial stance, but everyday people from all races have similar stories or share the same sentiment. It doesn’t have to be racial, no on the contrary, just fitting in and being the norm. It does take a toll when suppressing who you are for the comfort of others.
I mention all of the following because I want to create a scene, one where you can envision yourself walking in my shoes and what I had to work with. Those were the societal labels.
My personal label has led me to a road of discovery. I digress, but redefining your own destiny does feel great.
Lessons from my parents
I think of my father and the man he was. My dad was born in 1947, in very difficult conditions. My father explained to me that career prospects were quite limited. Early in his life his grandmother manifested his future and when the time came, in a very prophetic manner, his future became a reality. He became a teacher and he was a teacher in my life too. We would debate endlessly, and what I loved about him most was that he never limited me to anything.
I would argue and say heritage is important. The system in which we exists does have an impact, but our heritage plays a fundamental part in our stories. Heritage is existential, and it can definitely be redefined.
In recent years I’ve had a keen interest to dig through my ancestral archives. My relatives were/are storytellers, it’s beautiful listening to the stories of the past and in many cases sad too. Regardless of the political climate in the country at the time, what they had was togetherness or ubuntu. They had a camera and took photos. The black and white photographs in the middle of nowhere, family portraits; that must’ve been something. Everyday life wasn’t always simple, there were many situations that the elders neglected to speak about or offer suitable narratives on how to solve the problem(s). But often times I wonder what they would make of me. Would I have been the dream they always envisioned their future generations would aspire to be? Or would they frown upon the foreignness of my millennial demeanour and open-mindedness?
I actually asked my mother a very specific question a few years ago. We were having a very random conversation. I watched as she sewed material together. It became somewhat of a scolding, because I never had an interest in learning any of the chores she tried to teach me. After a while I was tired of defending myself for my so-called “lack of interest” and I asked her, “Mommy, did you ever wonder about what would’ve happen to your kids, growing up in Apartheid and me growing up at the end of it?”
My mother looked at me and sighed very deeply. “Yes, I did wonder. I wondered who you would be when all the odds were against you.” I remember sitting there baffled, trying to fully grasp what she was saying. But then it clicked. She wanted better for us, for her kids, her legacy. Regardless of how we were bickering, she did find it amusing that I could be so open and blunt about my disinterest like it was nothing. Because I realise now, as I’m approaching my 30’s that what separated the older generation from the new one is choices and opportunities.
Opinion about heritage and how it links to me
Heritage is history. I know the term has been propagated to fit certain narratives that in my opinion is just backwards. But it is important and it is valuable. Regardless of where you come from, where you might find yourself in the world. It is something to be proud of. Something to cherish. I love the modern era of documenting and setting things straight. It’s rewriting and taking ownership of our stories. This is how we create a difference. I commend that.
Heritage is something to be proud of. It is a celebration of what once was, but it’s also open to new beginnings. The world is changing as we speak and history is being rewritten. Ask yourself what will you pass on to future generations? It makes me question my own humanity. Hence the choice to be openminded and transparent about my life, freedom and choices.
There’s a saying, it’s not about where you come from, it’s about where you are going. The diversity of people should be celebrated and honoured. The youth in particular should be taught the greatest values to learn from the past and progress onwards. After all, what we leave behind, Legacy, that tells a story in itself.